Day 14 ~ mom's struggle

I was looking forward to seeing my mom today. She wanted me to go with her to the afternoon church services at the nursing facility. I had asked her what she wanted the Easter Bunny to bring her...she wanted some cashews and some chocolate. So I went to the local grocery that sells nuts in bulk and I was able to mix some salted cashews with unsalted ones and I found some of the chocolate covered shortcake cookies that she likes. I left my house, anticipating a pleasant afternoon visiting with mom. When I arrived, however, she wasn't in her room. Not a good sign. Then I saw the bloody washcloth, the rubber gloves, and the gauze pad wrappers on the bed. I went out to the nurse's station to talk to someone.
As I suspected, mom had gotten another nosebleed that couldn't be stopped and she was taken over to the ER. The nurse and I talked about the "catch-22" that my mom is caught in: she has A-fib which means that her heart does not pump properly; blood clots can form, travel to the brain and cause stroke. So to prevent the blood clots from forming, she takes a blood thinner medication. However, thinning the blood can result in frequent nosebleeds...and, in my mom's case, nosebleeds that are even more frequent because of the dry air in her room and the oxygen she is on. When I say nosebleeds, I mean nosebleeds! They are intense, frightening things and the episode drains you physically and emotionally. My mom has had them at least once a week during the past month - and these are ones that require a speedy trip down the hallway to the ER.
You may ask: What is the solution? There's gotta be a solution! Well, no, not really. The solution right now is to eliminate all blood thinning meds. That may (or may not) eliminate the frequent nosebleeds but this also would increase her risk of a stroke. Not a good solution...obviously.

We are all on this earth for a finite number of days. None of us know exactly how many we are destined to have. The only thing we do know is that we have a choice about how we spend our days, the choices we make, the legacy we leave behind. My mom is leaving a wonderful legacy; she is a proud woman - a simple, wholesome housewife who led a simple, wholesome life...but it saddens me to see her struggling with these issues, which is leaving her depressed, exhausted, and hopeless. She is maintaining her sense of humor and takes delight in enjoying her days, however, however many she may have left....

Note to my friend Sam, who is going through a similar situation with her grandfather: I understand how sad you feel...it's hard to witness the decline of those we love...my thoughts and prayers are with you. (http://www.newsie96.com/ - entry for Sunday, April 16)